i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
