bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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