Please, let me fuck your mom
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
