He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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