You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
