Kiss
Puke
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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