i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
