I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
