when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
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