bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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