We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
