When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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