Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
