hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
