I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Randomize
