I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
