I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
