Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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