i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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