Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
