I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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