Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Randomize
