This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
