I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
