reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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