there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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