The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
