Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
