how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
