New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
