My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
