just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
