I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
