For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
