You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
She told me I should be a condom model.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
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