We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Randomize
