just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
