Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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