OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
