so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
she pinky promised me she was 18
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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