Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Randomize
