No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
