just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
