My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
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