I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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