it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
