Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
