You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
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