i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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