I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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