It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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